The Plasticity of Belief: Religious Uncertainty and All It's Perks

What is religion but a mere placeholder for lonesome souls looking for guidance, forgiveness, or simply a relationship? I'm often confused by religion, more prominently the christian religion, and have been for years. I've been raised under catholicism, taught under catholic private schools, and am part of a very religious and very large catholic family. When I attend mass I find myself marveling at the architectural designs, historical significances, or asking myself the "i wonder how it was like 50 yrs ago?" questions in my head instead of marveling at the presence of the lord that the pastor goes on and on about in the background of my thoughts. I don't feel this presence, i don't understand the rituals of the mass, and i don't know why I always have to over analyze things and have to find the scientific basis or realistic explanations. I see people "happy" and "content" with their "faith". Sometimes I feel as though religion is a mere scare tactic - heaven or hell, heaven or hell, heaven or hell. When I mull over my explanations of what is religion, what is my religion, etc. etc. Karl Marx always comes to mind and cuts short my stream of consciousness. "Religion is the opiate of the masses". I sometimes I feel as though i'm on the outside looking in - watching the parishioners kneel and stand, sing hymns and praise all in synch like machines. But then I think about how on earth could all these people believe? there must be something true and tangible about all this. Then I once again start to have a moment of what feels like true faith, but with this comes the cycle of uncertainty and the words of Marx. The plasticity of belief is a funny thing - especially with the upcoming election.

KELCIE.