It's Here! It's Here! Try & Look Happy Will Ya?

It's freezing. Thanksgiving has come and gone. And every single slow-jam station in the tri-state area and presumably the whole world is playing fuzzy-feeling-evoking christmas music on loop. It's the Holiday Season people! A time to happily reminisce and internally hate the fact that you have a shitload of presents to buy. Happy Holidays. I mean, come on who doesn't love the long ass lines, the old lady grabbing the last pair of gloves you were about to reach for, and the massive amounts of people in massive puffy jackets over-filling malls boasting their massiveness in their brochures. As you can tell I have a "massive" pet peeve when it comes to the holidays. But you know what? I try to push it aside. I try to fill my mind with the fluffiness and warmth everyone is always talking about. So for the sake of keeping the christmas spirit alive here are some suggestions to keep it alive as long as possible before the thought of how much your going to spend on other people murders it (best wishes!): 

1. ELF (2003) -  a funny film starring the great Will Ferrell as an Elf from the north pole looking for his father in NYC. Very family friendly. 

2. Nat King Cole's Rendition of "The Christmas Song" - This song is Christmas. Feel the love.

3. The Yule Log - Missing a fireplace to create the Christmasy ambiance? Fear not the yule log will be on T.V. christmas eve and christmas morning for your own mindless pleasure. Here's a clip now if you're feeling a little faux chilly: 

4. The Killers + "Don't Shoot Me Santa" - a song about a sinister santa attempting to well umm shoot this kid. Quite funny and great ear candy. I even listen to it in the off-holiday season. ; )

5. Starbuck's Peppermint Mocha Twist - despite the fact that mint is one of my favorite flavors (mint chocolate especially) it just makes the holidays ssssoooo much better. Why you ask? I have no clue. Maybe how it mirrors the cold weather outside? Who knows. So here's to candy canes, girl scout thin mints, peppermint barks, mint chocolate chip ice cream (preferably green), andes... oh i could go on and on! But there's nothing quite like a holiday season only offer like a peppermint mocha twist! Since the beginning of the limited offer I have had 5 orders of the good stuff. Yeah yeah starbucks is overpriced blah blah...it's christmas give a little - it's for yourself anyway! 

KELCIE.

The Plasticity of Belief: Religious Uncertainty and All It's Perks

What is religion but a mere placeholder for lonesome souls looking for guidance, forgiveness, or simply a relationship? I'm often confused by religion, more prominently the christian religion, and have been for years. I've been raised under catholicism, taught under catholic private schools, and am part of a very religious and very large catholic family. When I attend mass I find myself marveling at the architectural designs, historical significances, or asking myself the "i wonder how it was like 50 yrs ago?" questions in my head instead of marveling at the presence of the lord that the pastor goes on and on about in the background of my thoughts. I don't feel this presence, i don't understand the rituals of the mass, and i don't know why I always have to over analyze things and have to find the scientific basis or realistic explanations. I see people "happy" and "content" with their "faith". Sometimes I feel as though religion is a mere scare tactic - heaven or hell, heaven or hell, heaven or hell. When I mull over my explanations of what is religion, what is my religion, etc. etc. Karl Marx always comes to mind and cuts short my stream of consciousness. "Religion is the opiate of the masses". I sometimes I feel as though i'm on the outside looking in - watching the parishioners kneel and stand, sing hymns and praise all in synch like machines. But then I think about how on earth could all these people believe? there must be something true and tangible about all this. Then I once again start to have a moment of what feels like true faith, but with this comes the cycle of uncertainty and the words of Marx. The plasticity of belief is a funny thing - especially with the upcoming election.

KELCIE.

An Introduction to an Introspective Retrospection

I know how it feels to love someone  you've never known. It's a strange feeling indeed. Before leaving my dorm for the weekend, I concluded that it was missing something. What? I had no clue. I really couldn't put my finger on it.  My side of the room is much more simplistically put together than my roommate's cozily stuffed and photograph ridden side. I keep my side as neat and as organized as humanly possible contrary to my past room keeping ideals - which were basically non-existent like many teenagers of any day and age. A visit to grandma's was basically all I needed to figure out what I was missing, or rather what I had always had. With my grandma, aunt, and cousins moving to Nutley, the basement in the Jersey City house is basically a freebie vintage shop. Some finds were some pretty rad retro Huffy bikes, some kick ass and gorgeously tailored leather jackets (that since me being a girl and quite small, fit perfectly on my cousin - you can imagine my jealously. lol), and lo and behold my grandfather's army jacket from the 1940'2  WWII era. I am a total history buff. I'm one of those people who aren't fifty year old dudes with tuffs of white hair but watch the history channel and any specials on CNN or the national geographic. A very obscure past time for a young lady, I know, but back to the story. So you can imagine my ecstatic feeling when face to face with history, and not  just  any history but my history, my grandfather's history - his experiences. 

My grandfather died in the fall of 1990, a couple months after I was born. I miss him although I've never had a single conversation with him to know who he is, or rather was. My grandfather is a man made up soley on beautifully told secondhand accounts - his courageousness in the fall of Bataan as a medic for the United States Army, his easy-going persona as a fireman in his home country & at the firehouse by Romaine Ave., and his devotion to his family. These are all generalizations. I want to know how he felt during the war. I want to hear a detailed description of one of his most frightening and most rewarding moments during that time. I want to know who he was and not how others saw him despite all the wonderful things they have to say. Not all things are wonderful, but the most horrible, heartbreaking and gruesome can be the most beautiful and meaningful. I know that I can "want" all I want. I know I can imagine all I want. But I also know I can put pieces together - piece my present and  my family's present to  our past. I'm going to start with that army jacket that belonged to my grandfather in his youth (no, I was smart enough to know not to take it with me to school and plus it's my cousins since it  fits him to utter perfection - can you say all the honor without the glory?). After the weekend was over I headed back to RU with what I was missing: a reminder. (edit: I did have a photo of a photo of my grandfather up - but it didn't work out right. sorry)

KELCIE.

Big Deal You're Gorgeous.

While feeding my procrastination with some interweb browsing I came across an article in the NYTimes which went into detail about a new computer program that uses "mathematical formulas" (created at the Tel Aviv University) to transform an individual's facial features to make her/his face more aesthetically pleasing. Basically it "un-uglies" you. It's pretty cool when you think about it, but also a huge blow to the ego when your "beautified" face looks nothing like you. Although some people are in need of a reality check. Just kidding. The featured photo on the front page is that of a normal young woman on the right and her transformed picture on the left. The changes done to her picture are quite drastic. Her eyes are considerably smaller, as well as her nose....well basically every facial feature has been downsized. And I won't lie, the picture on the right is rather beautiful. But what exactly defines the beauty which they are seeking? Proportion? Smaller features? The scientists who created this program argue that their goal is not to think one face is more beautiful than the other. Then what the hell is the point? Again it is a fun and interesting idea, but the possible funds, time and effort into creating it could have gone to more important research. It's good to tinker around, but honestly what was the point? The only real result would be the shrug reaction in which people would just agree in the aesthetic beauty that the transformed picture has and nothing else. Way to push for individualistic acceptance huh? Although, I was amused while browsing through some of the photographs and how James Franco's transformed picture was "indistinguishable, suggesting his classically handsome face is already pretty perfect". Which is kind of true. lol. 

NYTimes: Skin Deep - The Sum of Your Facial Parts

KELCIE.

New Weird America?

Yesterday while youtube-ing in search of some new ear candy for the upcoming week I came across the reference of Devendra Banhart being labeled under the music genre of "New Weird America".  What is "New Weird America"? And since when was there ever a "Weird America" genre to begin with? To answer my questions of curiosity I turned to the ever trusty wikipedia (HA!). "New Weird America - psychedelic folk musical movement of the mid/late 2000s; influenced by 1960 -70's, ethnic music, and free jazz", and apparently the term was coined in the August 2003 issue of The Wire. So I guess there was never an "Old Weird America", but rather the perspective of 60's and 70's folk music as weird. Sure the music was kinda trippy and its placement into modern cookie cutter pop and hip hop would label it as obscure, but weird? Weird has a kind of negative connotation, does it not? I wonder why such a small amount of people have an ear for folksy music. I'd like to think mainstream music has hidden messages and shit to lure people into being hooked - it's probably true. Sure, I get hooked all the time. Por ejemplo: Just a minute ago some kid on my floor started blasting a super popular song and some girl all the way on the other side of the hall shouted "Yo play that song like ten billion times! Play it on repeat man!". Let's step away from the radio for a minute shall we and sway out to some New Weird America:

KELCIE.

College. It's everything you'd expect.

Who knew all those stereotypical college flicks with the greasy frats, trekkie fanatics, artsy hippies, and platinum blondes all living in melting pot bliss was completely true. It's probably surprising to me because my high school experience was nothing like that of High School Musical or Clueless. On the contrary - complete polar opposite contrary. An all girl Catholic academy situated in the center of an urban city does not equal HSM. I knew better than to actually think "high school is just like in the movies". But college on the other hand, well it's exactly like it is on the silver screen. Right down to a single red plastic cup of beer being kicked around on the stained cement floor of a basement frat party dressed in sweat, humidty, sexual tension, carelessness, and illegible speech. It's a real beauty to experience, but of course i'd rather be strolling down Soho or getting lost in Central Park. I've always been told i'd love college because i've always been "mature for my age" - an "old soul" if you will. I've been here for about three weeks and I really don't feel the epiphany of freedom and release people have been going on and on about referring to my being "raised in a bubble". Maybe it's because of where I am. I really would prefer going to school in NYC, but of course i'd be drowning in debt. City people are my people. The kids here at Rutgers seem to kneel and praise at the altar of the apparent apparel trinity that is Hollister, American Eagle, and Abercrombie&Fitch. There's no inspiration. Nothing moves me - neither the landscape nor the people. Maybe I'm being too judgemental for only three weeks. Maybe I'll find some individuals I can actually connect with as myself. I have yet to meet someone completely moving in the midst of about fifty thousand students. God. 

KELCIE.

The End of The World As We Know It!...Well Maybe Not.

So if you've been up to date with current world and scientific events, then you've probably heard of the possibly breakthrough experimentation which is to be conducted in Switzerland on this very day. From what I recall on some educational/political channel which my university provides, a scientist (please forgive my vague recollection and look up the facts on the matter which I too will do after I get my thoughts out before I lose them. Ignorance is bliss, is it not? but of course bliss doesn't last forever) in Switzerland is attempting to prove how exactly the Earth came to be. With a 17 mile long underground tunnel the experiment will, in the words of the newsman, "smash atoms together which may consequently lead to the creation of a black hole(s) in the Earth's atmosphere"-which is a big No No in a doomsday-esque sort of way. So the worst that can happen is the entire Earth might be sucked into an endless, timeless, soundless, and shapeless black hole in the name of science? I'm not really sure what I feel about the situation except that I'm surely not going to the ends of the earth and doing everything I possibly can before it's all over and we all perish in A Wrinkle in Time tesseract fashion. I don't believe the world is going to end as we know it. I think it'll be pretty kick ass to have a black hole in our atmosphere or wherever. Imagine the possibilities from what we can learn from it so close to home. Alternate universes? Time travel? The answer to the real 'Warmest Jacket on Earth' which the Gap falsely calls all of their winter jackets? I know I'm totally putting aside the fact of how the earth was formed but God how I love heavenly bodies and all the things floating above our heads up there in that grand vast sky everyday. I feel all fuzzy inside just thinking about our immense planet slowly circling the sun in that infinite universe. If this truly is one of the last hours of our planet I bid you - late night reader - adieu, but otherwise bring on the black holes. I'm ready for some excitement. 
KELCIE.

"The Beginning Is the End Is the Beginning"

It's heartbreaking, but invigorating at the same time. This move to college I mean. It's a true and tangible representation of moving on or rather starting over. I just had a very short conversation with a friend of mine. It mirrored ninety percent of the conversations I have been having for the past year with others taking the dive as well. "How are you?" "You'll be fine." "If I can, you can." The last thing in this particular conversation was "keep in touch". This simple line meant everything and nothing to me at the same time. I felt like crying. Out of fear, joy, pain, freedom. I answered "always.". I answered in friendship, in comfort, in the unrelenting truth that is time. Time that deteriorates, time that builds. I have no idea if I actually will regularly KIT. Will all my relations that I have made in the past couple years fade and deteriorate as time? Will my friend and I meet regularly each month for lunch or ten years from now when all the comforts of our youthful friendship are but a fond memory pushing through our strained awkwardness? Only now am I feeling this ripping apart. Is it heartbreak? It is heartbreak. Heartbreak to not let go? I'd like to think it's heartbreak and want for what is to come. At least i'll make sure it is. Past is past. I hope that that "always." endures the test of time even if I don't actually "keep in touch." I hope that everyone i've met, everyone i've loved, everyone i've hated - all of them who have made me who I am, who I was, who I will be, will know that I will just "always." and they will just "always." for me. It's time to let go. 

KELCIE.

Olympic Media Coverage You Had Me At Hello.

The media and a centuries old event has inadvertently created a relaxing yet heart-racing soundtrack to my early mornings and late night lullabies. When the Olympics are on I just feel completely connected with the global community. I feel a sense of safety and peace, although we are presently at war. The only negativity I feel is the athletic rivalry unfolding during the games. It's really a beautiful thing. It's hard not to feel patriotic pride with the nations stations pumping out American olympiad propaganda. Phelps! Nastia! Shaun! Phelps! Nastia! Shaun! Phelps! Phelps! PHELPS! That's basically United States news in a nutshell the past few days. 

My cousin just came back from Australia the other day and she reported to me that the Aussies down under are as engrossed in the Olympics as we but they too have olympiad propaganda (female swimmer whose name escapes me) with a minimum side note of Phelp's win. I was a little offended when she told me of Phelp's minimum coverage but I soon realized it was just the nationalistic hold the media had on me. I brushed the news off as peculiar but expected after my realization. It's funny and a little scary how easily the media got to me. Thank God it was just the olympics this time. 

The only real downside of the Olympic coverage was the fact how pushed aside the Georgia situation was. I bet if I asked five people on the street if they knew what was happening in Georgia, one person would answer correctly; but I would also consider the lack of global awareness that Americans stereotypically have. Russia was very smart and sly about invading Georgia during the start of the Olympic games in Beijing. They knew that the Olympic coverage would mask, if not completely, anything going on be it a small town mugging or a situation as big as an unjust invasion. I think I hear Orwell's 1984 a-knockin'. 

KELCIE

p.s. learn of the situation in Georgia (LINK)

I'm here & it's now - tomorrow.

Warhol, Andy

I'm going to live life to the fullest because i'm here and it's now.

or

I'm going to strive hard now because I want a better future.

To live in the moment or to live for tomorrow? I really can't get my head around into incorporating them both without a slight case of hyterics. It's always really one or the other for me. It depends on the day, the weather, the way the sun peaked into the blinds (or didn't), the way a song or a photograph shocked my senses. It all really depends. I'm picking my brain here. So many questions; it really is like being in a hall with a thousand soft mumurs. --- just trying to focus on one. How can I live my life the way I want to without interferring with the way I...well the stable path. When you think about living in the now, do you think about the consequences? When you think about your dream life many of the essentials of your life now are pretty much non-existant, but you look past it or you just can't see it through the bedazzled smoke screen. But then there are responsibilities, so on and so forth, and then the "you know what, just fuck it" persona emerges. The inconsistency is rather annoying. Can you honestly alternate as a workaholic and a freewheeler in middle class america? If I work work work now I could possibly kiss the middle class goodbye and say hello to posh town houses, but then i'd be a "freewheelin'" 30 or 40 something year old. I want to be in the now, but I don't want to be stuck in the now tomorrow.

KELCIE

Postsecret.blogspot.com

I am a self-confessed slave to Postsecret Sunday. A rather willingly slave at that. It's just a whole bundle of humorous, loving, sickening, eye-opening, and epiphany-provoking goodness I just can't keep my hands off of. When my scroll reaches its final inch I always wonder what secret I would send over or if I should do it at all. I'm not saying I have a bag full of secrets I could randomly pull out of, but there are - --some. Having secrets is healthy I suppose. "We are mysterious creatures" - Evening. Without secrets where's the mystery, the "round' characters literary critics are always on the look out for in the human specimen? I like mystery. It's intriguing. But will exposing my secrets, although in anonymity, relinquish that mystery in me? I don't think i'm looking for redemption, forgiveness, or any of the sort specifically because of the secrets I hold. Do those people post their secrets to get it off their chest or simply for shock value? I'd like to think both.

KELCIE

Disney most prudent, Disney most chaste?

Physical representations of vowed purity have been around since the renaissance, most notably in the form of clunky iron wrought and super padlocked chastity belts. How convenient. Luckily for these Mary Sues & Bobby Jos in the more recent decade charismatic christians of the United States have been heavily advocating the chastity ring. The ring, aimed mainly towards adolescents, urges the individual - pardon me I mean "young adult" - (under religous tenets) to wait until marriage before entering into a sexual relationship. In my uber-Catholic grammar school (fit with your very own stereotypical nuns in habit, kicking it old school huh?) there was a program advocating this "way of life" through interactive storyline videos with their very own laptops. Was it educational? sure. Did I learn not to get knocked up by a skeezy kid straight out of a bad 90's commercial? you bet. Did I care? hell no. It was just another freebie slip out of some class I'd actually have to pay attention in. I highly doubt each and every kid took it the way I did. I guess I figured I was smart enough not to get into any life-altering trouble, but really, honestly! when you have to choose a button between "Follow Jack into the Basement Party" or "Say No" - come on! The icing on top of the cake for this program was the - wait for it - chastity rings they handed out to us at the end. In all honesty I had lost my silver braided finger band a month later, but that naive voice in the back of my head insisted I would fall into that "basement" trap in the near future just because I had lost the ring was seriously nagging. How superstitious we are at times.

If you're wondering what brought on this memory retrival it was good old hearty Disney: keeping it clean for your kids since 1923. Disney's latest summer movie "Camp Rock" has taken over my household, with the Jonas Brothers as the main attraction (I won't deny Joe's appeal and his eventual fate as my future ex-husband. jk). Watching the horridly directed movie with my absorbed sister reminded me of an article in which I read of the Jonas Brothers' out-in-the-open vowed chastity. A very enduring quality for such young and highly sought after boys, but also eerily unsettling. Why? I'm not sure. The pull of societal norms and taboos are surely present in my mindset at the moment. It's good to wait, so says the line "true love waits" which is emblazoned on almost every chastity ring. But how about human nature? How about the basic needs and drives which animals, as well as humans, are made for? - in the simplest thought of course. You know - the four f's: fighting, fleeing, feeding, and ..um..reproducing. But then what's waiting until marriage? In my head sometimes it's a beautiful thing, and sometimes it's just a facade to hide the quality trait of "man-whore" (Cynicism at it's best). But many young Disney stars are proudly shouting and hand swaying to their vows of abstinence. I wonder what's really going on...maybe she is a skank......hmm......You know what! I applaud you you young rich famous slightly beautiful Disney stars! Proudly go down your chaste paths! and as of yet I will humbly follow.

KELCIE

Give Us This Day Our Daily Dose.

After taking my daily dose of the usual sites I visit - you know the perez, boingboing, postsecret, etc. - it dawned on me: What is this fixation on delving into the lives of others? Sometimes I catch myself overly absorbed and immersed in someone else's life that I forget about my own. I forget to live my own life when I can instead make something happen or shoot some vigor into it. I'd hate to say that the lives of the celebrities, the ordinary people who boldly display their deep dark or silly secrets, or the jet-setters of the world have it way better than me. I guess it's all perspective. "Nothing is good or bad, it's thinking that makes it so" (I really need to stop alluding to Hamlet). Admit it, we all love to dip our paws into the grimy and sordid world of gossip columns and the oh so tempting game of telephone. We. Love. it. I love it. It's a common (and now thanks to the internet, viral) guilty pleasure that undoubtedly assists in the turning of societal corruption. But I just can't get enough. Can this addiction be overturned or is it just human nature - to look over the proverbial fence and just wish for the green ass lawn on the other side?

KELCIE

P.S. Norman Rockwell is a genius.

I'm getting way too cheesy for my own good. Argh?

With all this talk of "love" it doesn't help to stunt the thought, or rather questioning, of the existance of "the one". Is there even really a "one" for any individual or was it per chance that some happen to find that someone who fits the humdrum of their lot and that he/she is willing to walk that gray line with them (very pessimistc of me, I know)? Is the theory of a soulmate strictly a silver screen conspiracy and a front those happy suburban couples flaunt at socials? As of the moment I feel like we've all been duped! hoodwinked! bamboozled! into believing such a unicorn-esque thought - but still. Still here I am debating it's existance; in conquest to an "I told you so!" or in hopes for that someday? Who knows. If true and tangible I feel like it's going to be one of those imprinting type sequences (yes, I am an avid twilight fan and thats a whole 'nother blog(s) worth. lol). I don't know perhaps the earth will thunder and hades will hence forth open its chasm and engulf us both in flames and nothing will ever be the same or maybe it will be a subtle north wind. I know, I know. Ruminations! Hamlet would be proud.

KELCIE

Love, don't believe the hype.

For an expected homebody such as myself the school-less/social-less summer is the harbinger of lethargy, poisonous amounts of internet use, and slip-of-the-finger On Demand orders. lovely. But i WOULD like to pat myself on the back for opening the summer of '08 with a substantial amount and rapid rate of reading (John Green's Looking for Alaska & Orwell's 1984 were pretty kick-ass reads). Ok back on track. So with that all said I have also come across poisonous amounts of love. Yes poisonous. Poisonous to the romantic love deprived or killers - of which I am both an upstanding member. Being without a "summer love" in all honestly sorta sucks, but what irks me more is the fact that maybe for the first time in my life I am not utterly in like with someone, ANYONE. Lterally no one. It's an odd feeling when love is replaced with content. Isn't that supposed to happen when i'm old and gray, rocking chair, blahdy blahdy blah? So today I see Hairspray(2008): super hot dude falls for the "outcast", The Holiday: women switch homes for the holidays, find their unsuspecting soulmates and last but not least Gavin Rossdale's uber-heartwarming acoustic rendition of "Suspicious Minds" on Youtube: i swear i will meet my soulmate when i hear them playing this song. How much of a hopeless-romantic-love-killing-jerk am I? So Love? I don't believe the hype, but I listen intently on the buzz.

KELCIE

"We'll drinks pints and wait till this all blows over"

I feel like i'm being punished. Maybe it's the "no more v-day shit i never really cared about, but still wanted" syndrome. I'm beginning to think the doomed prince of denmark was right. "Frailty thy name is women". I always hated and loved that line, but mostly disagreed. Everything is not going the way I planned; well the way I planned it subconciously. Where's the convenient "clear" button at the top left corner when you need it? Thanks alot fate. Sometimes I am madly deeply, and other times completely frozen over - an ice box settled in my chest. Send me a goddamn sign; a fucking flare or something. Back and forth the pretty little desperate words are for me, then in a split second they're not. The way you talk! By god it's so disarming, no hint of anything. Is it just me? Is this a bad case of apathetic projection? Vainity at its best? I am fucking moving to china if I don't figure this out, or keel-over first. Existing with a metaphorical daisy in your hand plucking the tiny little frail appendages off one after the other is by no means the way anyone should exist.
KELCIE

Let's all be cynical, non-chalant, lovesick primetime tv characters shall we?

I'm very comfortable distancing myself from the crowd sometimes, which would ultimately make me seem shy or reclusive when I don't have that burst of enthusiasm. Privacy is the closest thing i have to freedom right now, and I delve into my "me" moments alot. Cynicism is also a personality trait that may hinder my ability to connect on a deeper level with other people. Don't get me wrong i'm a total riot. Cracking jokes and sarcasm like no tomorrow. But i'm very cautious about the people around me. I've been this overly competitive, mindfully independent, uptight artsy hippie(opposites are seriously the only way to describe me), with a "I can do this on my own" kind of attitude, person. I'm not disparaging myself in any way. I love these characteristics. These chracteristics make me who I am, and who I will always be. I've just convinced myself that if the people who do want to inch their way closer to me can't commit to my personality then it's "goodbye, nice knowing you".

I'm a love killer, even if it's a beautiful thing. I can't control myself. It reminds me of a scene from the super fantastic, two thumbs up, sadly cancelled (like many great shows due to moronic television stations. ok I won't rant) from Wonderfalls, where Jaye stomps on Eric's Heart after it pops out of his chest (I sadly could not find the clip on youtube, but nonetheless urge that it is a must see show). It's sad because half of the dudes are pretty decent and would make great friends, but I'd rather shoot them down as early as possible than to play with their emotions, or hope, for a longer period of time. It's a horrid thing to do. I know. Although, some of them are so persistent I have no idea what to do other than be rather polite. I loathe leading people on. I feel sick to my stomach when they get the wrong idea. It's a sick game. It's human nature and i'm conviently picky.

Maybe i'm exaggerating, but for now i'd much appreciate that no one fall into their own theories that I may or may not have them in mind. I already know it's inevitable, but i won't talk further on this matter. It's mind-wrenching i know. Believe me, I've been driving myself to the edge of insanity lol.

KELCIE

Beginning

I honestly haven't written a blog since sophmore year. Blogging was a dead and gone habit only to be resurrected through the emotional turmoil that is the arrival of "changes" I am rather reluctant to greet. College is around the corner, and i still have no idea what i want to do with my life. Let me rephrase that. I still have no idea if I am willing to accept the life planned out for me underlying my parent's speeches. I know it's definately what's best for my future, and theirs, but is it whats best for me? What if the carefree life is what i'm looking for? What if it's the uptight professional? I have no clue! I just want to be a kid again. Childhood is truly bliss. In the land of sunshine, never-ending vacations, and grammar school nothing can go wrong, even if in reality it did. I'll just have to trudge through this funk. Surely the grass is greener on the other side. I'm guessing it's college cold feet. God I hope so.